In this chapter, Paul reveals that he is deeply disappointed with the results of his ministry. We usually think of him as a victorious Christian, a level headed man who has learned how to be content in any circumstance, but in Rom.9:2 he says, “I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart”. Something in Paul’s life is chronically wrong, something that gives him constant pain. Is your outlook on life clouded by the recognition that something important is wrong, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t fix it? Welcome to Paul’s world; a world of unceasing grief and great sorrow, always there even when it is very well hidden.
Paul was one of the leading Pharisees of his day, at the head of his class, trained by the best, heart and soul devoted to the Jewish law. He lists the treasured benefits of his Jewish culture in Rom.9:4-5. Paul was part of a cohort of up-and-coming Jewish leaders. When he became a Christian, he wanted his fellow Jews to come along with him. He was so determined and devoted that everywhere he went, he ministered first in the synagogue, urgently seeking to persuade his countrymen to find the completion he enjoyed in Jesus. Some came to Christ, but to Paul’s sorrow, many didn’t. Paul kept at it until they turned on him with violent hatred. He loved them enough to risk stoning, beating, whipping, and imprisonment. His heart was set on the evangelism of his countrymen. He turned to the Gentiles when he was turned out by the Jews. He deeply wanted something, and he was deeply disappointed.
Did you ever feel like that? Have money problems, relationships, or health concerns ever become chronically painful? I remember a very quiet man in one of the churches I served whom I visited in the hospital. I remember his agonized cry, “Where’s my Lord?” That’s Paul’s question, and maybe it’s yours sometimes too.
Paul’s first response to disappointment is, “it is not as though the word of God has failed”. He has just ended chapter 8 with the beautiful confidence that nothing can separate us from the love of God. In the light of the amazing thing God did for us on the cross, we can be confident that our loving Father would withhold no good thing from us. If something we want is being withheld, it must not be the good thing we think it is.
A little child may want to drink that delicious looking green stuff in the bottle under the sink, but a loving parent won’t let him. Paul reminds himself and us that we are pieces of pottery questioning the potter about what He is doing. He knows and we don’t, and, hard as it may be, we need to leave the issue there. Have faith in His goodness.
Over 40 years later, I am haunted by the agonized cry of my friend: “Where’s my Lord?” Jonathan Edwards, the great Puritan thinker and preacher, died alone after suffering a negative reaction to cutting edge medicine – the smallpox vaccine. He dictated his will and a letter to his beloved wife, and then he said his last words: “Where is Jesus, my never-failing friend?” It’s almost the same question as the one I heard, but those last three words make a world of difference.
Disappointments; chronic, heartbreaking disappointments; may come. You and I, like Jonathan Edwards and Paul, have to draw closer to Jesus, our never-failing friend.